Who will be the one person left in the UK?

Promising millions of people that they’ll all have the country to themselves isn’t any more unrealistic than other promises made in the run-up to an election. If little things like logical contradiction and total impossibility were allowed to silence political debate things would be very different.

Besides, we’re promising every voter that we’ll get rid of everyone else in the country, and we’ll absolutely do that. Satisfying 64 million promises out of 64 million and one is a better percentage than any other politician in history. In fact, by satisfying 64 million promises to 64 million people, we’ll have kept 4.1 quadrillion election pledges. That’s more than every other political party ever to exist put together.

Of course, once was elected with the political mandate to get rid of everyone in the country except for one person, I would be in the absolute best position to do that. And if I happened to find myself in an elevated position, with a generous expense account, and access to the wealth and power of an entire country which I could use for my own benefit, well, at least I’d be the first politician honestly elected to do that.

But of course, dear voter, you’ll be the one person. That’s why it’s called YOU-K One Person.

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